The Value in ‘The Discomfort”

I RARELY miss an event at my kids school.  If there is a way to avoid missing it,  I do… I plan and schedule around the school outings and events. I do that  because I am the Mom that LOVES to volunteer and NOT MISS A MOMENT.   I love to be surrounded by the chaos and all the things to do with field trips, concerts, school parties, spilled drinks hungry kids, funny stories and more.   I NEVER miss … That is… until just recently.  I have had this work thing in the city planned for months and there was no way of rescheduling or cancelling.  It was the same time as my kids end of year school speeches.

No biggie right??  Well… I felt a bit stressed over it.  I felt sad because I knew the kids worked hard on their speeches and my oldest wrote his speech based on a story I made up when they were babies.  I told him them that story EVERY night over and over sometimes!  So special right??  Yeah.  It definitely was hard for me to miss but I felt it was gonna be ok.  We have great friends that were gonna record the boys for me.  So it was ALL GOOD.

Oh you know… Of course, that one time you can’t be there something don’t go right. It’s written in stone somewhere I am pretty sure. One of my kids got up to do his speech, lost his place, got super nervous, got upset and the Principal (who is The Bomb BTW) went up to give him a little breather.  He stepped down… composed himself and went on to do a FABULOUS job with his speech.

So… all is well right?? NOPE!  He didn’t tell me it happened!?  I got home that night, asked how his speech went and he told me it was great.  I found out after from another Mom (the super sweet Mom who recorded it for me).

I know it’s not a huge deal.  Just normal nervous energy that made him anxious.  I felt more upset that he didn’t tell me.  I spent a couple hours with my ego…

“I failed him!”

“I should of been there”

“He doesn’t trust me to be open with me”

“I thought we had a solid relationship.  I thought we talked about everything!!”

As you can see… It was all about ME!!  LOL!!

Why do we go into the MOM GUILT right away instead of looking for the lesson that needed to be learned??  I guess in this case there were a couple lessons needing to be taught and wasn’t just for my son.  This Momma had to learn that it’s not about her!!  It’s about stepping up to teach about THE DISCOMFORT!! The value in FAILURE.  It was an opportunity for me to guide my little guy when he needed it.

Let me share.

I asked him why he didn’t tell me.  He said he didn’t want to remember how he felt. You know the feeling. It’s that gut-sinking, I’m-an-idiot, I’ll-never-amount-to-anything feeling and it is awful. There is no getting around it. But there is POWER in feeling the discomfort.  To him he felt he failed.  He felt embarrassed and insecure.  A common trend we hear (feel) is not being “enough”.

No matter who you are … you have a plan  mapped out that don’t go as planned.  A project that just doesn’t meet up to your standards.   Failure doesn’t mean it’s the end.  Failure is just a lesson.  A stepping stone to get you to your next place.

We all fear failure but why when there is so much POWER in it?? The very idea of failing is enough to stop most people in their tracks. It can cause the majority of us to simply pack up, turn around and retreat without even trying.

Just imagine if you were able to sit in the discomfort of your fear… of judgement,  of failure, of not being enough… AND became comfortable in it.  Just imagine if you taught yourself THE PAUSE…  instead of “The Retreat”.

“The Pause” is where you recognize the moment as a time for growth.  A time where you learn to problem solve.  A time to get up, dust off and try again!  No need to fear the end because guess what… YOU SURVIVED!

That’s what I told my son.  I told him I was so proud that he took a moment to regroup and try again.  One of the strongest indicators of how failure impacts a person long-term is how they respond right after it takes place. I told him how I wished I learned that there was no shame in IMPERFECT in fact, there is only greatness.

**side note: It was only this past September I was able to finally kick my fear of public speaking**

Imagine… our kids are already conquering these lessons.

Some failures are bigger than others. Some are more public than others, some are more humiliating, some have a greater stigma around them. But learn to own your failures, admit them and even embrace them. You’re much more likely to get the results you want.

What if we all viewed failure as it is just the beginning of something wonderful???

Yet again… more life lessons taught to me by my kids.  Parenthood forces us to dig deep and show up.  The Pause is so important… RESPONDING rather than REACTING is the game changer in this crazy life!!