Hey Momma! What are you doing to yourself???
Do you remember boarding an airplane and listening to the same ol’ speal every time?
Make sure you put your own oxygen mask on first, then assist someone else. Seems pretty simple to me.
When I was training as a lifeguard, to always make sure you use the victim as the buffer if you get into any trouble.
Of course, it makes so much sense. I mean how can we save the other person if we get knocked out?
So, how about as a mother?
Do you make sure your “mask” is on first?
Do you make sure you’re not heading into troubled waters without a float?
Most of you will prob nod “No!” Because the majority of us mothers put ourselves last.
Most of us are burning the candle at both ends.
Most of us do not feel worthy enough to make sure we have a shower everyday let alone leave the house by ourselves to run errands.
Holy moly… we wouldn’t even dream of pursuing our own individual interests!
Why is that?
Why do we feel the need to constantly push ourselves and smile the whole time? Why do we feel this intense guilt if we make time for us? We would rather drop from exhaustion than take a nap. What is wrong with us? We are so tired that we would rather not put the effort in to make it out for dinner with our friends. Everyone else’s emotional and physical needs are met but then we are TIRED!! Motherhood is definitely a one-way street when there is not a mutual agreement between mother and monster. We give and give. Yes, they are adorable, cute, and they make us so happy, but let’s face it… they are draining. They are demanding.
I read somewhere, something like(bear with me because I’m not sure I have this word for word) “Happiness when you have kids is not the same happiness you had before. Happiness when you have kids is a FOGGY HAPPY. You cannot see past the dark grey mist. If you stare long enough you will see the path but it’s still very unclear as to what makes it so HAPPY.” Isn’t that a good description of the hard work and sacrifice? We usually feel the joy and love when we step away for a moment, or when we look at them fast asleep we feel our hearts swell, and we are reminded why we do what we do. But at 6pm in the evening when everyone is tired and running around… no one wants to do their homework… the baby is cutting her teeth… your partner is working overtime… the kids need a bath and Sara has a math test tomorrow that she needs help studying for… you feel anything but HAPPY! We feel tired, agitated, stressed… the list goes on. So, why is it so hard to make time for YOU?
When we refuse to give in to the need of self-care and love, our body begins freaking out. It has already been thru so much with the pregnancy; from hormones, to stretching, to GROWING A HUMAN inside of you, that it’s already at a point of need the day the baby is delivered. After the baby is born, we all hear the advice to sleep when the baby sleeps, make sure you eat regularly, drink lots of water, and book a great sitter from the start so you can go grocery shopping alone. We have all been thru this. But how many of us listen? Or do you feel pressure because Suzy had twins, has 2 boys under 4, and she always looks fantastic? Do you feel guilt because you so badly want to take time away from your child, that you think you’re a bad parent? Stop comparing and beating yourself up! There are no expectations or pressures. We do that to ourselves and then we end up running our systems down to the point where we feel like we always have a cold, a headache, or aches and pains. We become an insomniac with bad skin, thinning hair, dry and flaky skin, and fluctuating weight. We are burning out and feel HORRIBLE!!!!
Stop and Breathe
First, put on your own oxygen mask. When we are sick and tired we do not show our children, spouse or family and friends the best version of yourself. You become angry and ‘snappy’, You’re not your typical fun self, and you begin to question who you are because you no longer recognize the pale face staring back at you in the mirror. Depression, mood swings, sickness, impatience, and often serious medical conditions happen because we forgot to love ourselves first.
Ask Yourself: Is this who you want your children to remember when they are older?
Do you want your kids to be scared to ask you for a snack because they fear you will roll your eyes or yell at them? Or, do you want your kids to smile and look at you with admiration because you are happy? They need that type of environment to grow up! They mirror you and they develop our habits. We must be mindful of what we are teaching them.
Here are some tools that you can keep in your Momma Tool Belt to help make yourself a priority.
1. Let go of comparison and guilt.
One way of doing this is Morning Affirmations and Bedtime Gratitude. Each morning when you wake up lay in bed for 5mins repeating “I am Love, I Love Me, I Respect Me” (or choose any empowering mantra). The power of this form of positive affirmation is incredible.
Every night before you go to sleep write in a gratitude journal all that you have in your life to be grateful for. It can be anything from your new pair of slippers to an amazing partner. KEEP IT SIMPLE! While reflecting, make sure you breathe out the negative energy and only focus on love.
2. Take a mommy minute
Each day go somewhere for even 2 minutes to breathe and reset. If the baby is content, grab a tea and read even a small amount. Just take a couple minutes to decompress throughout the day.
3. Foster outside relationships
Make it a habit to contact your girlfriends via text or call or whatever. Just build relationships outside of your kids.
4. Love your partner.
Each day do small gestures to grow a connection. For Example: 20 second hugs when they come home from work. It’s very important to remember where you both began and what drew you both together. Foster that love.
5. Accept imperfect help.
If someone can help you but they feed your kids a little too much junk or let them watch too much TV then that’s ok. Take the help and lighten up a little. It will make a big difference in your day.
6. Remember your own hobbies and dreams.
Make sure you remember the things you’re passionate about; as it’s a part of you and what makes your character. If you like playing sports, then join a team and stick with it. Knitting, painting or baking… whatever you love, do it! This will show your kids that you can do anything and they will get to see who the person is bedsides their mom. This will give you confidence to feel good about yourself. Again, which greatly affects your children.
7. Stay positive.
Mindfulness and positivity are very important. Remember to laugh and see the bright side of every situation; who you will be on the other side of the obstacle is a better version of yourself. Keep your head up!
I have learned over the past few years, the importance of self-care that when you are run down you cannot be who you are meant to be for your kids, your spouse and family. It’s not fair to them and definitely not fair to yourself. After many “hints” from the universe I had to make some pretty big decisions that meant I had to make changes in my life. For instance, I cancelled big running events, took a step back from some things that meant a lot to me, and I began focusing on whole health for myself. Regular self care to make sure I am the best me that I can be to my kids. I made a promise to my kids that I will be the best mom that I could and making that promise means sometimes stepping back and looking at the big picture.
Slow down and be present each day without the pressure of having a million things to do. You are not supposed to be able to build Rome in a day. It will all happen when it is meant to.
What are we doing to ourselves?
Well from now on, I will be kinder to myself. I will be more loving to myself and make myself a priority. Do not feel bad about this people! Feel proud that you are doing everything you can, not just for you, but for your family. My kids are my biggest teachers and motivators and they inspire me to want to be better.
